Whats in a name?

'Can I talk to Mr.Dharmaraman?' This is an oft heard opening sentence I hear when I answer my mobile phone. First of all, the caller is perplexed to have a female voice answer the call. And the next thing, he assumes it is the secretary/wife/sister of Mr.D answering on 'his' behalf! I usually react with abnormal calm and composure that comes with years of experience....from being called 'Sharma', 'Kurma', Darma, etc in school, when I always wondered why I had such a vague name...why not the simpler Shanthi, Jayanthy, Radha, Kamala, Lakshmi....never mind if they had to be distinguished by their initials as there were some 3 Shanthis and 4 Lakshmis in a class of 40 girls. For a few years I ardently wished to change my name to 'Pushpa'!!!

And how did I get this rather rare name? Simple...my paternal grand-mother was Dharmambal and it was the custom in our family to name children after their grandparents. So my eldest brother was Ramachandran - paternal grandfather, second brother is Ramaswamy - maternal grandfather, third brother is Shankara Narayanan- Dad's paternal grandfather and fourth one is Srinivasan- Dad's maternal grandfather...phew!!! My parents mercifully called it quits after I, the fifth child and only daughter was born. But for some reason, I was given the more complicated-mouthful-name of Dharmasamvardhini. If our Mother Superior in the St.Joseph's convent that I went to had received an application from a kid by this name, I am certain she would have rejected it outright for sounding obsolete and unfathomable! So Dharma it was at school. And since it was an all girls school, there was no confusion regarding my gender! Thank God for small mercies!

At the time of my marriage is when I realised my name was not just rare but also unique and poetic. My father-in-law who loathed to amputate names and call people by ridiculous pet names quite unconnected with the original (Lachu, Kappu, Komu with our North Indian counterparts- Pinky, Chunky, Bunty, Bakki, etc), was ecstatic hearing my name and insisted that it be printed as such in its full form on the invitation! Which in turn created a lot of interest among relatives and the elitist Madras crowd. I was complimented for my beautiful name....some said it is the name of the deity in Thiruvaiyaru and translates as 'Aram valartha naayaki'.  Now that was special! And I started taking pride in my name.  To digress a bit, my last brother has been called 'Juni' for the longest time and my niece who has the lovely name of Prithi is only known as 'Moni'.  

Just when I smugly settled down to adoring my name and the way it sounds as I ceremoniously flaunted it to everyone introduced to me in my new home, disaster struck! A tamil movie with the title 'Dharma' starring the action hero Vijaykanth was released...and of course Vijaykanth was Dharma! I was appalled to see posters screaming 'Puratchi kalaignar Vijaykanth in and as 'Dharma' in every wall of Chennai's hoarding crazy streets! Not flattering at all! Now, should I change from Dharma Raman to Dharmasamvardhini Raman or R.Dharmasamvardhini? Too complicated....better left alone for people to figure out that I was not named after an action hero who was never on my parents' mind when they named me!

And from then on, everytime I was introduced as Dharma, I was given a quizzical look as if to say ' but, isn't that supposed to be a man's name?' and as if reading their mind, I would hasten to add the Dharmasamvardhini/ Thiruvaiyaru Ambal/ Aram valartha nayaaki bit and they would be all awe struck! And let out exclamations of 'Wow! what a lovely name!'.....no pain, no gain, isn't it? That was with a small circle of friends and family, some of whom till today insist on calling me by my full name and love the way it sounds. You can imagine my delight when in the USA my name seemed the easiest and coolest of Indian names, thanks to the popular soap 'Dharma and Greg'!! 'So easy'....., the Americans would exclaim!

Later, after the dust settled on the weirdness of my name, its noble meaning and divine connotations, I joined Rotary. And the routine of explaining my name began once again..... a routine I have mastered to perfection and know what to say when, in order to elicit the desired response.  Convincing 40 Rotarians was never a challenge. Until I became the President Elect last year and the President of my club this year. Everyday the last 2 years I have been receiving calls from various people from the Rotary district wanting to talk to Mr.Dharmaraman .....that's how they pronounce it, without a pause, and from where the hell they get the Mr. prefix is still a mystery waiting to be unravelled!. And I have had to always say, 'Yes, this is Dharma' in the most dignified tone that I can muster. After a pregnant pause from the other side, the caller would gather himself from the gender shock and proceed with the conversation. Worse, girls making annoying sales calls offering personal loans are always flummoxed when they hear a woman named Dharmaraman. And I, like the majority of us, never have the patience to deal with them sparing myself the bother of explaining that I am a woman with a first name and a second name that seem to have seamlessly blended into one vague transgender name! 

Shashi Tharoor in his brilliant book 'The Great Indian Novel'- a modern day interpretation of the Mahabharatha, after listing the definition of all Sanskrit words and terminologies used in its Glossary, has an entire page devoted to 'A Note on Dharma'. He concedes that 'Dharma is perhaps unique in being an untranslatable Sanskrit term' as the English language has no equivalent for Dharma broadly defined as'code of conduct, pattern of noble living, religious rules and observance'.  He suggests that Dharma is most simply defined as 'that by which we live'- but 'that' embraces a great deal - moral law, universal order, righteousness, spiritual harmony, ethical code, cosmic responsibility, social justice - wider and profounder than any western word such as 'duty'! In an almost exasperated tone, Mr.Tharoor finally invites his readers upon each encounter of the word Dharma in his book 'to assume the term to mean any, or all of the above'.  

If that is not poignant, what is? So, as you can see, my name has evoked myriad emotions within me...and can I blame others for reacting the way they do?